Arf, arf, and arf! Not for the squimish!

So, a couple of days ago, I awoke to a weird dog. He couldn't wait for me to get up, so he could venture outside. I couldn't figure out what his problem was. As I walked down the stairs, I spotted something abnormal on the landing. As I proceeded down the stairs, I found a huge pile of chunky, slobbery, orangish puke. Not kid puke, but the worst kind, dog puke. I don't know if you have noticed, but dogs very rarely chew up there food. I had to get the dust pan and scoop it up. Disgusting! I then had to use industrial carpet cleaner, twice. I got my kids ready for the day, and went back down stairs. To my dismay, there in the family room right next to the rocking chair, was a watery mess, with another watery mess right by the back door. Sick! I booted Zeb, outside and got busy cleaning up another barf mishap. Well, I went to work, came home, we all ate dinner, and then at about ten that night, I realized that Zeb had been outside all day. I didn't feel too bad because I was still mad about the three gifts he had left me, earlier. I called him, and he came a lot slower than usual. He looked a little haggard. I thought we had froze him, and maybe he had a little arthritis. I tried to give him some Advil wrapped up in a piece of meat, but he wouldn't take it. Way weird! This dog loves meat. I started to get worried. Sades thought that his feet were cold, so she put socks on all four feet. He wouldn't follow me like he usually does, and just kinda laid there. We were getting worried. Maybe , I had poisoned him with left overs. Well, he got comfy on his dog bed, and I heard a familiar noise. The night before, he was making this licking sound. I told Mark, to listen, and as things got quiet, we heard ARF, and then a very watery Splat! The arfing had started again. This time on the floor on my side of the bed. It stunk like rotten eggs. Pure bile puke! Mark, started gaging and I told him I had already cleaned up two barf messes. He was too wimpy to do it, so I got to clean up arf, three times in one day. As I started to mop it up I started to gag. It was putrid. The whole upstairs smelled like rank rotten eggs. The next day, he was his normal at my heels, tripping me, hyper self. The moral of this story. Don't feed your dog, dog food coated with leftover au jus and roast beef, barbecued pork fat, and bones, all at once! It turns them into a bloated, arfing mess! Oops!